Believe.

I loved the gospel today.
Mark 9.

It was the story about the boy who was possessed by a demon and the father ran to Jesus and pleaded with him to take the demon out of his son.

I had never really loved that passage before. I had always heard it and had always thought of it the same way. It was the story of how Jesus sent the evil spirit out of the boy who was convulsing on the ground. The story had always scared me a little and I never liked watching that scene in Jesus of Nazareth.

But then Fr. Matya gave a super awesome homily and my view of that bible story changed completely.

Father focused his homily on the father in the story. When he went to Jesus and explained the situation saying, "'but if you can do anything, have pity on us and help us.' And Jesus said to him, 'If you can! All things are possible to him who believes,' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe; help my unbelief!'" [Mark 9:22-24]

Let's just think about that. The father of the boy said, "if you can," to Jesus.
Isn't that crazy? He literally looked Jesus/God/The Creator of the Universe... in the face and said, "if you can." How could he possibly have doubted and questioned what God is capable of doing?? That's ridiculous to think about! We tell ourselves that we would NEVER say anything like that to God!

But then again.. would we? I feel like we would like to think that we would never question God that way. But.. when it actually comes to having faith in what God can do, do we trust him completely with no questions? 

In his homily, Fr. Matya talked about how we are often on a fence. So many times we are like the father of the son. We cry out, "I believe; help my unbelief!" We say that we trust in God. But does what we say reflect what we truly believe in our hearts? 

I think it's a really good question to think about. 

Because I've often found myself on that fence and in the same position as the father. I find myself praying and praying for an intention of mine, telling myself that I believe that God will answer my prayer. But sometimes, there's a little voice inside that whispers to me, "it's impossible no matter how often or how hard you pray." 
I fall into a trap of believing that some things are impossible.

That's me praying to God and saying, "Here's my intention. Help me..IF YOU CAN." 

Then God looks back at me and says, "If you can! All things are possible to him who believes!"

All things. Not SOME things. Not CERTAIN things. ALL things. 
They are ALL possible.
And we are not to question God on IF He can make something possible.
Because THAT is ridiculous.

This gospel and this homily came at the most perfect time for me.
I had been praying so hard for something for so long. Trying to believe in my heart that my prayers were really making a difference. But so often that voice inside would tell me that my intention was impossible. And sometimes I gave into that voice and I questioned God. I'm ashamed to say that I did not trust Him completely.

The funny thing? He proved me wrong today. So very very wrong. He told me that nothing is impossible through Him.
I started laughing because I had been so foolish. Who am I to tell God what He can and what He can't do?
And then I went to mass and heard this gospel? I have no doubt that it was God's way of saying, "See, Rachel. Have faith in me and I can make the impossible happen. I can do this."

And so here I am with more confidence in God than I have ever had before.
I am not going to be like the father in the story, "I believe! Help me with my unbelief!" 
Instead, I am going to look up at God and say, "Help me. I believe." 

Because I've been shown and I have so much more faith that ALL things are possible with God. 
Just trust and don't ask questions. Believe with your whole heart.
I mean.. c'mon. This is God we're talking about.